He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
