Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
