i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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