I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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