Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
