You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
