you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
FUCK WHALES
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
