We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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