well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
