I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
