found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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