Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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