I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
