According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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