The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
