A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
