Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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