it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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