i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I cockslap morals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
