The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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