I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
