So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
