I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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