Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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