My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
