At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
