My sheets look like a crime scene.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize