The maid of honor just puked.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
