The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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