Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
