She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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