I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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