I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
