my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
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currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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