who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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