I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You took a bar mat shot.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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