Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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