My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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