it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
