He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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