hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
