lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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