He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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