So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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