Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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