I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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