I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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