Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
