I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
