You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How does one acquire holy water?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
