I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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