yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
