It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
