Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
