i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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