I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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