and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
