take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
