And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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