So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
