You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize