dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
