why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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