I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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