she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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