p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
