Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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