too bad you live with your parents still
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
