God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
