I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
