My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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