i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
