You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
