I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
